Manners, please. Thank you.

From the very beginning, I knew that I wanted my child, male or female to have manners.  I knew that I would want to be anal about this point.  Saying please and saying thank you was not going to be an option, it was going to be a requirement.  This may sound a little weird or intense but it's my prerogative, it is my child.

Being a school teacher I see so many kids who do not have manners.  They expect that you will give them things.  They assume that they do not need to say thank you.  They believe that they are entitled to respect even though they do not give it.  Although I tolerate them and sometimes insist on their manners, it seems futile.  Why?  Because I am not with them all the time and they are having their behaviors modeled for them in large neon lights from their parents or by whomever is their caregiver.

And then I see the few and far between students who have manners.  I would guess I have about two out of thirty each year that fall into this category.  They say thank you when I hand them a worksheet even if it is their least favorite subject.  They smile and look me in the eyes and acknowledge that I helped them with a simple, "Thanks."  It is absolutely amazing the impact that those kids have on me and on all of the teachers they interact with at school.  They get more attention, more help, and may get extra where another wouldn't have.  For me, this is not a conscious decision, it is just what I notice.  We, as humans, are more willing to help when we feel like we are appreciated.  Manners give us a sense that what you do matters even if you just were doing your job.

Also, kids because they are kids automatically get less respect because of their age.  I have this discussion every year with my students.  Is it right for kids to get less respect because of their age?  No. Is there anything that they do that would cause them to get less respect?  Yes, we don't act in a way that is mature. Are there actions that children (preteens) do that make adults feel like they can't give kids respect?  Yes, we don't think before we act.  Some of us are rude. Is there anything you can control to make it so you can get more respect? Maybe...

After this discussion, I try to get them to realize that they all say that they should get the same respect and that I agree with them, but how can they get it if they act disrespectfully and if they are followers of others instead of standing up for what is right.  In the end, if they have manners, they would/will get more respect.  It is powerful for some of them, and maybe changes their behavior for a week or two, but then back to the old habits.

So, I am and will continue to be strict about manners with my children even if some of my family thinks I am a bit over the top.  Kids need manners and they need to be corrected when they do not use them.  We have to hold our kids to high standards.  They are capable of so much and manners should be a basic given.