50 pounds!

I have lost 50 pounds!  Actually I am down 50.8.  Only 1.2 away from my 52 pounds in one year (52 weeks) goal!  I was so proud of myself that I cried at the scale.  I really did.  It was kind of ridiculous but I couldn't help it.  The leader actually asked me if I wanted a hug.  I said no.  More because I was embarrassed than because of not wanting one.  Especially since I am hugger.  I love giving and receiving hugs.  But I digress... I did it!  I made 50 pounds which means I am keeping my 1.5 pound average weight loss up and it means I am on my way.  Grinning from ear to ear!!!

Goals?

Last week I lost again!  I am feeling so good about my journey.  I figured it out that I have lost 1.5 pounds a week.  That is awesome for me.  I was hoping for a pound a week and had said to myself, when I started Weight Watchers, that my goal was to lose 52 pounds in one year.  But at this rate, I should be at 52 pounds in just a few weeks which is three MONTHS sooner than I expected.  Yay me!!

Now that leads me to my next question...what should be my next goal?  I am feeling very weird about this thought.  First of all, maybe I shouldn't jump the gun.  I have not really met my first goal; so, why am I looking toward my next one?  Second, what if I stall out and it does take me the next three months to lose the next 4 pounds.  Third, why am I being so negative? I should look forward, right?  Yes.

Okay, here we go... Goal 1- Stay committed to Weight Watchers for one year (ongoing- 19 weeks left)
                                Goal 2- Lose 5 pounds (check)
                                Goal 3- Lose 10 pounds (check)
                                Goal 4- Lose 10% of body weight (check)
                                Goal 5- Lose 52 pounds within one year (So close)
                                Goal 6- Lose 20% of body weight (do by 10.5 months)
                                Goal 7- Get to One-der-land (term from Biggest Loser meaning to be in the 100's)
                                             (do by a year)
                                Goal 8- Lose 75 pounds (unsure of my timeline, may need to be a smaller goal)
                                Goal 9- Get to goal weight (feeling like this is very far away)
                                Goal 10- Stay at goal

Whoa, there they are, all laid out in front of me.  That is a bit overwhelming.

I did it!

I lost 3.4 pounds!  Yes!!  That brought me over the 45 pound marker and I am now on my way to 50 pounds lighter!  Hell ya!! I had promised myself that when I lost 50 pounds I would get myself some new clothes.  I am super excited to have some new clothing that isn't baggy on me and possibly all comes from the "regular" clothing section, not plus size.  One of the reasons I have hated clothes shopping is specifically because I am in the plus size section.  Although the plus size world has come into it's own in the last few years transitioning out of the bag clothing to slightly more hip looking clothing, I have still always longed to be where the cute clothes were, which was not in MY section. But now, maybe it will be or possibly IS my section.

Waiting to Weigh in- week 31

Wow has it really been 31 weeks!!  Almost 8 months!!

And even though I have been doing Weight Watchers for so long, I am excited to go weigh in tomorrow!  I had a good week.  I exercised, I ate well, and I drank a bunch of water.  I will be disappointed if I do not lose at least a pound.  Because in the time I have been away, from blogging, I have successfully continued my weight loss journey and have lost 44 pounds!  So, if, now when I lose that next pound I am on my way to the big 50 pounds lost!  I can not wait.  Why do I care so much about the number 50.  Well, to me 50 pounds is a milestone and to be perfectly honest, I made a promise to myself that I would not buy myself the next size clothing until I have lost at least 50 pounds.  Come on weight, get off my body!!! Excess weight are not welcome here anymore!

Expectations of the Stay at Home Mom

In the last month, I have had many conversations of the expectations of being a stay at home mom.  What does it mean that I am staying at home?  Does it mean I have to keep the house perfectly clean?  Does it mean that I have to have all of the mail sorted and paid?  Does it mean that I have to have all of the toys put away by the time my husband gets home?  What is my purpose for being at home? What is the "value" of staying at home and really how do you define "value?"

First of all, I will say I am in a constant mental struggle of what I expect myself to have done, what my husband feels I should do, and what I believe the world thinks I should be able to accomplish.  I am definitely harder on myself than my husband is on me.  In fact, I believe I have the most supportive husband in the world, whom truly believes that my "job" is to be the best mom I can be first, and if I can get to the house, great, but it is not why I am staying at home.  I am so grateful to him for this permission to be a mom, but I personally feel pressure from myself that is not so free.

Some husbands expect exactly the opposite of my husband.  If you are home all day, they believe you should be able to clean the house, do the dishes, do the laundry, and have dinner on the table.  I find that to be a hard to pill to swallow.  I think of all I do during the day and can not imagine that I could be on top of all of those things each day. Do I want to be able to be the perfect 50's house wife and have every little thing in order and perfect when my man arrives home from his stressful day of work?  Yes.  But is that reality or could that be reality? No. At least not for me.

Another concept is if I make the money then the person who stays at home should be able to maintain the house.  It is their "job."  That is such a funny concept to me.  For me, I thought my "job" was to care for, nurture, teach, and be there for my children.  If I am doing that, then I don't really care if the dishes are done.  If I am doing that, then the importance of my sons' music class takes priority over vacuuming. If I am doing that, then isn't that why I am staying home.  If that is not why I am staying home, then we should have a discussion.

I think we as a people need to value stay at home moms more.  Our JOB is enormous.  Our children are precious and need to be loved so that they can grow to be the best people they can be; people who are kind, respectful, and responsible. If I ignore my boys to tend to the house and make it perfect, then I am not raising the type of boys I want, correction, we want to raise.