Expectations of the Stay at Home Mom

In the last month, I have had many conversations of the expectations of being a stay at home mom.  What does it mean that I am staying at home?  Does it mean I have to keep the house perfectly clean?  Does it mean that I have to have all of the mail sorted and paid?  Does it mean that I have to have all of the toys put away by the time my husband gets home?  What is my purpose for being at home? What is the "value" of staying at home and really how do you define "value?"

First of all, I will say I am in a constant mental struggle of what I expect myself to have done, what my husband feels I should do, and what I believe the world thinks I should be able to accomplish.  I am definitely harder on myself than my husband is on me.  In fact, I believe I have the most supportive husband in the world, whom truly believes that my "job" is to be the best mom I can be first, and if I can get to the house, great, but it is not why I am staying at home.  I am so grateful to him for this permission to be a mom, but I personally feel pressure from myself that is not so free.

Some husbands expect exactly the opposite of my husband.  If you are home all day, they believe you should be able to clean the house, do the dishes, do the laundry, and have dinner on the table.  I find that to be a hard to pill to swallow.  I think of all I do during the day and can not imagine that I could be on top of all of those things each day. Do I want to be able to be the perfect 50's house wife and have every little thing in order and perfect when my man arrives home from his stressful day of work?  Yes.  But is that reality or could that be reality? No. At least not for me.

Another concept is if I make the money then the person who stays at home should be able to maintain the house.  It is their "job."  That is such a funny concept to me.  For me, I thought my "job" was to care for, nurture, teach, and be there for my children.  If I am doing that, then I don't really care if the dishes are done.  If I am doing that, then the importance of my sons' music class takes priority over vacuuming. If I am doing that, then isn't that why I am staying home.  If that is not why I am staying home, then we should have a discussion.

I think we as a people need to value stay at home moms more.  Our JOB is enormous.  Our children are precious and need to be loved so that they can grow to be the best people they can be; people who are kind, respectful, and responsible. If I ignore my boys to tend to the house and make it perfect, then I am not raising the type of boys I want, correction, we want to raise.